Yesterday started like every other Sunday in our lives. We were watching our shows, sipping coffee and savoring pecan kringle. Just as we were to connect on Skype with our son in Denver, I received a text notifying me of the death of dear friend.

It left me speechless for most of the day. The loss affected my ability to corral words into a meaningful and poignant email to inform the rest of the Nitty Gritty Committee.

I lost my power with words.

Yes, the loss of one of our team members has shocked me to the core. Perhaps because last year we spent four months meeting every two weeks to plan and prepare our 40th class reunion. I was so happy to have him as part of our team. He knew so may people and had connections the rest of the us on the team did not.

For a time, several years, I wouldn’t see him. Our lives (filled with raising children) kept us missing each other. When we would run into each other, it was like that length of time had stood still for us, those years mere seconds in the scheme of time.

The loss of that brilliant and sincere smile no longer finding me in the grocery store, or calling me to tell me which classmate he ran into that day, leaves me feeling lost and empty.

His family was his greatest accomplishment outside tending to the spiritual needs of his congregation. He cared for all aspects of their lives. He didn’t tell me that, but I knew it, because I knew the type of person her was. He wouldn’t have given less than all of himself. My heart is feeling this loss as well; for his family and his congregation need that same compassion now more than ever. I have told his widow to please let me know what I can do to help, and I hope she doesn’t think it a hollow offering. We don’t know each other well, but because he loved her, I hold her in the highest regards.

Now I need to scramble to regain my power with words, because they suddenly seem to have disappeared.

Rest in peace, my friend.

I miss you already.

In my previous post, I named the group of is neighborhood kids, “The Hickory Street Hooligans.”

Many adventures of those youthful years occurred. There were several factions of kids. We didn’t care that some went to public schools and other to the Catholic school nearby. Your age determined what faction you belonged to. There was the older kids – and that’s where I fell into. My brothers had another group (the brothers of my friends), and my sister with her posse.

In the group that I belonged to, it was just three or four of us. Two sisters Patrice and Lynn, Kathleen who lived across the street from them, followed by myself. Being the youngest I was also bringing up the rear. We went through the neighborhood with a wagon collecting pop bottles to get the deposit money back. We then rushed to the five and dime to spend the money on Indian Head Pumpkin Seeds, wax lips and candy dots on rolls of paper.

We also gathered every Saturday during the summer and fall after our chores were completed and our allowances were burning holes in the palms of our hands. We would walk downtown (a thriving commerce center before they built the mall on the outskirts of town) and consume a hot dog and pop at the Sears, or Woolworths.

We would investigate the stationery store that had a book store on the second floor. There I fell in love with Nancy Drew mysteries and would spend my money on that as well. Once I caught up with all the titles, Tiger Beat and Sixteen magazines became my next obsession. From there, it was 45 rpm records which led to my first layaway of a portable stereo turntable and upgrading my music collection to include albums. For the times, it was only portable if you carried a bunch of size D batteries or had an electrical outlet nearby.

It was my first big purchase.

We would listen to music, sketch out own fashion designs. A couple of us would flip and cartwheel our way down the sidewalk to improve our cheer leading skills. From these girls I learned about sisterhood and teenage boys.

High school divided us, giving way to new friends and broader interests, but I think of those girls and that time of my youth often.

Tonight I am going to a drawing class, compliments of my son. He gave me a gift card to Michael’s for Christmas. Immediately (okay, not so immediate – there are decorations to take down, you know) I scanned the website for the next class that might strike my fancy.

Viola! Drawing Still Life.

Now, you might say, M.B., why are going to a drawing class at your stage in life? Let’s look at the reasons why I shouldn’t go:

• My drawing will look a three year old can do better.
• I can wind up looking like a hopeless fool in a class of genuinely talented people.

The reasons I should go:

• My drawing can look like a three year old can do better. I actually have had that happen already with this same instructor, only this time the medium was acrylic paints. Humility is defined by a 10 year old painting the Sistine Chapel while you try to perfect the color wheel.
• I can end up looking like a hopeless fool in a class of genuinely talented people. Refer to number one.
• A new experience. There is a lot to be said for the empty nest. This is very true when your life revolved around travel hockey for about twelve years. Suddenly you have weekends and weeknights free!
• Rekindling my love of art. Many of you may not realize this (probably just my siblings and some old homeys from the Hickory Street Hooligans (a moniker I just made up), but I used to draw quite a bit growing up. After writing, painting and drawing, pottery and stained glass remain on my creative bucket list.

New experiences bring you closer to the inner you. It’s an opportunity to spread your wings and gain new self respect and perhaps even new friends.

Recently a friend from high school had a showing of her hand crafted jewelry at an art gallery. My husband and I went up to show our support and bask in the sunshine of creativity. This gallery also offers different classes. My ultra creative, gifted friend and I think we will try to get a group of us girls from high school and take a class together.

Tonight’s class is to be led by the same instructor who, upon perusing my very rudimentary color wheel asked me what I learned from the experience. I told her I had to work on my blending skills. In a very maternal manner, she looked at me and said, “That’s what you got out of it?”

It still makes me chuckle.

You’ve heard “Life is too short”. In many ways it is; especially without the ability to laugh at oneself. So tonight I shall venture forth and try to wake up my dormant drawing skills!

Thanks Son! This is will be a wonderful gift of self-discovery.

Photo by Jess Watters from Pexels https://www.pexels.com/photo/black-pencil-screenshot-750913/

The New Year has finally arrived and although I personally was very satisfied with what I accomplished in 2017, I now set my sights on 2018.

In 2018, I have both writers’ groups to look forward to. I also have back-to-back writers’ conferences in April. My goal (or resolution if that’s the better term for you) is to improve my writing, and spend more time writing.

In February there are two special landmarks – my mother turns 80 (gasp!) and my husband’s aunt turns 100!!!!! That will certainly be a bash. My mother – she always told me she was 39 – lives in warmer climates, so my goal is to visit her this year.

Since I can’t get through a year without planning an event, I shall turn my attention to one big family bash – and then maybe an all out friends’ get together this summer. Haven’t you always wanted your friends to meet your other friends? It might be time to do that.

I’m also reminded of the Rotary club’s annual spring gala that we are working on. My April is full already!

Last year we took a great trip. As much as I would LOVE to cruise again, I think some smaller trips are in my future for 2018. I need to make that happen.

In May, I will spend a few days with our Southern Son at his graduation from Berkeley! I am so proud of him. Like our own son who has set goals for himself and his education, this ‘son’ has done it also on his terms. They both amaze me! Our son and my husband will be traveling together again, back to Europe and some genealogy digging. I think the opportunity to travel like that is so important for both men in my life. What memories they will have of their special times traveling together!

My other goals are to read more, be more creative, be more aware (less self centered), lose weight, blah, blah, blah….. (you see which one is last in line, don’t you?)

Here’s to all your 2018 goals! Please share them with me.

A note to all my readers and fellow bloggers:   I started this blog one year ago and I thank all you for checking in, reading and subscribing. I appreciate you!   – mb

One of the things that I do in my job is produce a weekly bulletin for the Highland Park/Highwood Rotary Club. I am an honorary member and proud of the Rotarian efforts to effect change for the better in people lives. Their motto is Service Above Self and all around the world they accomplish this – one small village at a time or in our own backyards.

When I started doing this, I wanted to put my mark on it, making it informative and poignant. I added the “Pearls of the Club” feature. I asked members to send me their favorite quotes and only a few did, but I have to say that I’ve enjoyed searching for those iridescent pearls of wisdom. As we close out the year, I’d like to share a few of my favorite with you.

A book is like a garden carried in the pocket. – Chinese proverb

Fiction is life with the dull bits left out. – Clive James

Don’t follow the crowd, let the crowd follow you. – Margaret Thatcher

We must never forget that the highest form of appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. – John F. Kennedy

Never be limited by other people’s limited imaginations. – Mae Jemison

The belief that there is only one truth, and that oneself is in possession of it, is the root of all evil in the world. – Physicist Max Born

Sometimes we spend so much time and energy thinking about where we want to go that we don’t notice where we happen to be. – Dan Gutman

There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. -Edith Wharton

I could go on, but I think you get the gist.

In 2018, may you always your pocket full of books, may you always be a candle or a mirror and show your appreciation by keeping your mouth still and your hands busy.

–Mary Beth

Telling is the way it falls
down, drifting, swirling
its own landscape
with hills and valleys

It snuggles onto windowsills
while we cozy on the sofa
is that forlorn I see?
wanting to come inside

It disguises parked cars
hides garden gnomes forgotten
left to shiver in the cold
muting holiday lights everywhere

morning unveils snow’s artistry
bare trees our private painting
sapphire sky its backdrop
wishing I had my camera –

to remember this beauty in sultry July

This time of year my ‘to do list’ is much like everyone else’s:

• Put up tree and decorate
• Compose Christmas letter
• Prepare house for guests
• Plan menus
• Attend holiday parties
• Christmas shop
• Send packages to out of state family

You get the idea. What’s not on my list is baking or sending out cards. To be honest, I never have the time or gumption to bake. I also don’t have the money to buy and mail cards after Christmas shopping. The price of stamps is about what Christmas cards used to cost (okay, I know I’m going way, way back).

If that’s not enough, there is still the list of things I need to complete – from back in October. With just a few weeks left in the year, these items loom larger in my list of tasks.

I am a list person.

In my previous job, it was one way of keeping myself on track. I also make notes on my desk calendar what needs to be done each day of the month. I also use lists to plan my week – you know, Monday after work I have to get these three things done; Tuesday I need to get five things done – and that doesn’t include dinner, dishes and getting my clothes ready for the next day. Let’s not forget the coffee pot either! (See earlier post, “The Sanctity of Coffee”.)

So this week, on top of wrapping gifts and finish up shopping, there’s haircuts and hopefully you’ll catch me in line at the post office Saturday morning. I’ve made calls that needed to be done and emails sent. Check – that’s done.

Here is the lonely nag on my list – post on the reunion Facebook page. This item has been sitting like a wallflower at a junior high dance. Invisible and yet “there” at the same time. Its discomfort at being forgotten has only made it more prominent on my list.  Its font has grown from a modest Callibri 9 to an Arial Black Bold 16. Still it waits.

So this week, after I’ve finished this post (and crossed it off my list) I will compose my post for my classmates. After I check that item off my list, I’ll probably be adding three more.

Will it ever end?

We put the ‘FUN’ in dysfunctional. – family motto, established circa 1980

Long before there was talk of dysfunctional families, we were hanging in limbo without a label. As the years flew by, and many things are thrown at us, there is one thing has always been there – our sense of humor.

For our 35th wedding anniversary, my husband and I went to see comedian Kathleen Madigan and Mike Toomey (her warm up). The recurring theme in their routines was family. Listening to their comedy, I felt their families could easily hang with ours.

It’s how we roll, as they say.

When we are gathered together, there is food, liquor and laughter. The laughter begins even before we sip and eat. Everyone one of us in our growing family is a storyteller, a clown and the perfect audience.

A few years ago, when a beloved uncle passed away, our cousins from North Carolina and Colorado came to share in the grief. What soon happened once the services were completed was the unknotting of the ties, kicking off the shoes, and the consumption of food. Much like a table overburdened with a feast, our memories were laid bare to be retold.

In a somewhat sober man’s version of an Irish wake, we recounted a family vacation to Myrtle Beach. From there, we cousins laughed at one cousin’s retelling of the time another cousin (from NC) got him to kick sand at a crab in order to catch it – a consummate BS artist, that southern cousin could always crack us up. So does the cousin telling that story.

Every couple of years, the local cousins (aunt and uncles, too) get together for some landmark – a graduation, birthday, or a wedding. Our funny bones are tickled, heightened by the overload of characters that make up our family.

My three brothers had an uncanny ability to become a comedy troop when they are together. Although I happen to think we sisters, four in all, are funnier and more poignant in our humor. I submit for consideration the sisters weekend in Williamsburg, when we called each other by the wrong name (on purpose) and wore matching t-shirts that claimed “My sister has the best sister in the world!”

Or the time one sister and I drove to Louisville to see my son. We were hosting a Stanley Cup viewing game and needed to get food and alcoholic beverages. I dropped my sister off at the liquor store while I went to the local Kroger’s. When I picked up my sister, she wasn’t hard to spot outside the store. That was because she was the only one standing outside with the store with a cart over filled with enough booze for a small third world country. Shrugging, she simply said,  “Well, the boys might be thirsty.”

But our cousins and even my brothers don’t stand a chance against my sister-in-law’s brothers. When they come to a family gathering, My stomach and cheeks are sore from laughing so much.

Humor is written so densely into our family’s DNA. It runs rampant throughout our time together. Our childhood memories are full of fun times. The picnics, the Sundays at Grandma’s, and Grandpa’s corny jokes, his face lit with happiness in being with his family and the glint in his eyes when we performed Christmas songs at his request.

If I told you all the great experiences we had would take hours. What I can tell you is that laughter really gives you thoughtfulness. It opens the heart and the mind. It keeps young and when you carry that humor with you every day, people will be more drawn to you because you are offering them something they might be missing. Those who do have a sense of humor may gravitate to you because you are alike.

I know I wouldn’t trade any family member for anything in the world.

Family laughter is priceless.

Driving into work this morning, I was listening to Christmas music. Don’t scoff or groan. I switched it on last week and found I am less stressed by the rush hour traffic, so it has its benefits.

Even though we aren’t at the actual end of the year, I have started on my Christmas letter and began planning get-togethers, menus and which day I can get the tree up and decorated. I’m feeling good about going into Holiday Season 2017. After all, I cooked Thanksgiving dinner and no one got sick or died, so things are looking up for me!

Of course fresh from our cruise, I am thankful for the bountiful people that make up my family – biological, in-law and outlaw! This picture above was one I took on an early morning excursion – a photography excursion. Capturing this sunrise over the Bay of Fundy, New Brunswick, Canada, was worth getting up at ‘oh-dark-thirty’ as my retired Army friend would say.

It occurred to me that we are approaching the sunset of 2017 and the sunrise of 2018. What have I learned about this year? What can I take away from this year of news onslaughts?

The most important is that in this year of continued divisiveness, my family, whose politics can cover the spectrum has been able to NOT speak of politics when gathered. We might bring up a bill before the state legislature because our view of state politics is a less volatile topic. Somehow in the State of Illinois the problems are not exclusive to any one party but their three year stint of receiving paychecks without a budget as the State’s finances grew dire, frustrated every taxpayer (and no doubt a voter as well) . This didn’t suppress my urge to bitch slap all of them, but I digress.

It may be Polyanna of me, but for 2018, I hope to see a move toward cohesiveness as the country begins to tire of chaos and clamor for cooperation and peace. Peace at home and overseas. I know it’s too much to ask for, but I will ask anyway.

I hope the sunset of 2017 keeps more of my favorite actors off the “In Memoriam” section of the paper or news magazines. I’m still mourning the death of David Cassidy – just as I was coming out my sadness that Davey Jones died a few years ago. Hey! Don’t judge me, I take my Tiger Beat crushes seriously. They were among my first, but just to ease my mind, can someone place bubble wrap around Donny Osmond before it’s too late?

For the sunrise of 2018 besides world peace, I’d like to continue those family gatherings, stretch myself in creative ways be it photography, painting or writing. I hope to be open to all the things going on around me and to be less self-centered, or at least be more aware of it so I change gears quickly.

As always, when I speak of sunrises and such, I am reminded of the wise words of that song from Fiddler on the Roof – swiftly flow the years!

As we prepare our homes for family and friends this Thanksgiving Holiday, I’d like to take this moment to recall the things and people in my life for which I am grateful.

I am thankful for a busy year! Planning events for family, classmates and Rotary have been an exercise in staying calm and organized – that alone is an accomplishment in my corner!

I am thankful for new experiences! This year, 2017 I started a blog, finished the first draft of a manuscript, bought a DSLR camera and took a few classes, and traveled with friends and family to see New England and Canada’s fall colors. That was the excuse for buying the camera, you see.

This past spring, I corralled a few classmates into becoming members of The Nitty Gritty Committee for our 40^th class reunion. I had known just a couple of them, and the experience of working with all of them was awesome. It was a let down in not seeing each other every two weeks or having those evenings set aside for planning the August event that lasted an entire weekend. It was an EPIC time (a not so private joke) which brought so many of us together between two high schools. The years and technology complicated matters, but we were able to have 125 people (about 90 classmates) for the Friday event and 107 for Saturday (about 75 classmates, many of them different from Friday’s event). The greatest compliment was that many didn’t want to wait until our 50^th, and are clamoring for a 45^th reunion. Don’t worry, Class of ’77, we are already thinking of things to do!

I am so thankful for the family we have near and far – the farthest is our family still in Germany and a brother serving in Afghanistan. They are never far from my mind as some of them are aging. Next is family in places like California, Denver, Detroit, Baltimore, Wisconsin and south in San Antonio. We travelled with some, and reveled with others.

I am thankful for the followers of my blog – I am touched you think enough of my posts to read them. My two writers groups are special to me as well. They stretch and challenge me at every meeting and when I sit down to write or edit.

May you find many reasons to be thankful this Holiday, and relish the people who have gathered together this week.

-mb