Over the years, there have been many times when I felt like I was the worst mother in the whole world.

When my son started day care, the guilt of my two year old crying as I walked away from him hung like the heaviest chain mail, keeping me stooped in the feeling that I was the lowest of low. That would last until I came to pick him up and he would tell me about his new friends as any super-gifted two year old could.

This cycle was repeated when Kindergarten started and he had to spend half his day at the YWCA day care. There was someone there he didn’t like and yet he couldn’t give a legitimate answer. I checked with the care givers and there wasn’t any problem they could see. So I toughened up and told him he had to deal with it. To this day, our son doesn’t even recall the incident or the child’s name.

Now my parental guilt has shifted to our grand-doggy, Princess Wrigley Marie Marshmallow. We do have other names for her, but they can’t be repeated here.

I find that when we know she has a doctor’s or grooming appointment she is completely unaware until we get to about two blocks from the Petsmart. Recently, she’s become more astute because she begins getting anxious the minute we cross Route 41 heading west. She is convinced nothing good happens west of 41.

The time before last I took her to the vet’s, she crapped in the car. The next time I took her, we gas-lighted her into believing all three of us were going somewhere. I felt guilty again about the subterfuge but it got the job done (without a mess in my car).

Tomorrow is going to be another one of those secret missions. Wrigley has a dental cleaning and biopsy on her poor nose which like to scab. So, it is a joint effort to get her to the clinic without extended anxiety. I know already my parental guilt will well up before I go to bed tonight knowing what is planned for her.

I think this time is harder, because she can’t talk to me, and as much as I’d like to think she understands me, I know she doesn’t fully comprehend. That makes it so much harder for me.

Once again, tomorrow, I’ll don the chain mail and chive on!